


The Worst Kind of Friendship Bracelets

by Emptylester (timelordangel)



Category: Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2016, Angst, Arguments, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Handcuffed Together, Happy Ending, M/M, One Shot, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 15:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7806832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelordangel/pseuds/Emptylester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil accidentally handcuff themselves together, shenanigans and important conversations ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Worst Kind of Friendship Bracelets

Dan has a particularly strong urge to punch a subscriber in the face today. Not just any subscriber, but the one who decided it would be hilarious to send him handcuffs in the post about five years ago. It had been funny, to her credit, and then they had been forgotten in the giant mess of things while moving to London in the blazing summer heat.

Fast-forward about five years and Phil had all but pounced on Dan this morning, exclaiming, “TODAY IS FOR TIDYING” before dragging everything, and he meant everything, out of the storage closet. 

They find the handcuffs about halfway through. They are fluffy, pink, and made of metal, which gives them a strange weight. Dan messes with them for a minute.

“These weren’t cheap, this is some hardcore kinky shit right here.” Dan laughs, jokingly pressing down the clamp on one half over his right wrist. 

“Dan, come on. We should finish this by bedtime, stop messing around.” Phil says.

“You gonna punish me if I don’t?” Dan says in a mock-sexy voice as he twirls the other half of the handcuffs, prompting an eye-roll from Phil.

“No.” Phil deadpans. 

“Good, then I’m going to go browse the Internet.” Dan stands from his cross-legged position and turns to leave, only to be grabbed by the other half of the handcuff. “Let me goooo.” Dan whines, frowning.

“Stay and help me!” Phil doesn’t let go of the other half of the handcuff, still sitting on the floor.

They’d been busy and stressed lately, and it was their only day to relax before they’d be spending all their time in a studio editing the official TABINOF video. 

“I’m tired, we’ve been at it all day. I’ll finish it tomorrow.” Dan mumbles, facing the door of the office and trying to get away.

Click.

Dan spins around to see an indignant Phil with raised eyebrows. Slowly, he moves his eyes to the obtrusive pink fluff at his wrist, and then to the matching fluff attached to Phil’s wrist.

“Phil, take it off.” Dan rolls his eyes. 

“No.” Phil pouts, looking up at Dan. “Now you have to stay and tidy.”

Dan huffs and gives in, using his left hand to undo the latch on his half… he’s undoing the latch… he’s opening his half of the cuffs… he’s digging his fingernail into the slit that opens it and it’s… completely not doing anything. 

“Fuck, how do these come apart?” Dan squints, shaking Phil’s left hand as he fights with the metal and fluff. 

“You don’t know? They’re yours.” Phil raises his eyebrows and stands somewhat haphazardly, his lanky form a danger in the small space. 

“No, I don’t know!” Dan says in aggravation, now taking the small screwdriver on the office desk to it, sticking it into every hole and trying to open them. 

“Try mine.” Phil holds out his wrist. 

Dan grabs Phil’s wrist with his left hand, only to find a small keyhole. “Phil, you idiot. The key hole was on this half.”

“Don’t blame me, you were too busy shaking my arm around for me to check.”

“Now where’s that bloody key…” Dan kicks over a box from the pile, searching the floor with his eyes.

Phil begins looking too, shuffling through the mess of things with his socked feet. They awkwardly maneuver around the room, their respective non-dominate hands useless as they stay locked inches from each other. 

“Phil, fuck.” Dan says somewhat hysterically. 

They look at each other and share an unspoken sentiment of fear. Dan had said it earlier- these weren’t cheap play handcuffs. They are a solid metal and had a serious key that surely was around here somewhere, except maybe not, because Dan can’t remember ever seeing a key and they’ve been in three different closets over the past five years.

The pink fluff taunts them, blowing softly from the fan in the corner. 

“Well.” Phil presses his lips together. “We can finish this tomorrow, I guess.”

Dan shouldn’t feel so terrified, but it’s something about being trapped that sends bolts of fear down his spine and suddenly he’s breathing a little too hard. 

“Dan, it’s fine. We’ll find the key, it’s probably in the drawer downstairs. Either that or we’ll call a locksmith.” Phil notices the uptake in Dan’s breath and steps closer, trying to calm him down.

Dan tries to step back when Phil steps closer and he’s reminded of the fact that he can’t escape. He takes his cuff back into his left hand and desperately tugs, trying to squeeze his hand out, cursing the size of his extremities. 

“Dan, you’ll hurt yourself. It’s fine, let’s go look downstairs.” Phil sighs, walking past Dan to head for the door, unintentionally tugging Dan along. 

They clamber downstairs from the office and Phil opens the kitchen “junk drawer”, rummaging through the miscellaneous pens and rubber bands. “Here!” Phil exclaims, holding up a small metal key.

“You found it?!” Dan stops tugging at the metal and grabs the little key from Phil’s hand. “Fucking idiot, that’s the spare mailbox key.” 

“Hey! Don’t call me that, I’m just trying to help.” Phil snaps back, throwing the key back into the drawer. 

“Without you, we wouldn’t be in this situation!” Dan yells, violently tugging up his hand, dragging Phil’s with it. 

Phil growls and yanks his hand back down, Dan’s in tow. “You had already clasped it on you, maybe you should stay and help me finish things when you say you will.”

“It was your bloody idea in the first place to organize that cabinet!” Dan scoffs, “I didn’t have to help, I don’t have to do anything.”

“You certainly make that clear.” Phil glares. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dan’s ready to fight. He’s angry and exhausted and this time Phil can’t walk away like he always does. 

“You don’t exactly help too much around the house, unless you’re tossing important papers.” Phil goes to cross his arms, remembers he can’t, and puts his right hand on his hip.

“You leave every cabinet door open.” Dan points to the junk drawer that’s still open.

Phil slams it shut and they glare at each other after the resulting crash. “You really think you have room to talk here, Dan?”

“You are the messiest person in the entire world, and you never shut up!” Dan’s completely red.

“If it’s so miserable to live with me, move out.” Phil says with finality.

Dan doesn’t respond, taken aback. He frowns.

“Do you want me to?” He says finally.

“Whatever you want.” Phil’s extremely stoic; his eyes reveal nothing.

“O-okay.” Dan’s voice is soft. 

“Okay.” Phil echoes. 

They stare at each other for a minute longer and the anger inside of Dan dissipates. He was just releasing some stress; he didn’t mean it. The tension is ice and Dan is throwing a sledgehammer at it, trying to shatter it into a million pieces. 

Phil is the Titanic.

“I didn’t mean that.” Dan finally admits, his angry composure falling apart. 

“Why should I believe that?” Phil asks calmly.

“Because you know I get hotheaded when I’m angry.” Dan about rolls his eyes at having to explain himself, but he doesn’t want to continue upsetting Phil.

“Why were you angry?” Phil continues.

“Because you handcuffed us together and we have no way out.” Dan squints. 

“What are we going to do about this, anyway?” Phil glances down at their wrists. 

“I’ll look up a locksmith.” Dan grabs his phone out of his pocket. 

“They’ll laugh at us.” Phil grimaces. 

“Yeah well, it’s that or be stuck forever.” Dan’s voice isn’t a hundred percent friendly, but the argument seems to have been dropped. That’s a perk of being best friends with somebody for 7 years- these kinds of things pass quickly. 

“Fuck, the closest one is a twenty minute car ride away.” Dan frowns, and then his eyes go wide and he frowns harder, “And it’s closed Sundays.” 

“Dammit.” Phil furrows his eyebrows. “But it’s already nine, we can wait until tomorrow.” 

“Phil, Martyn and Cornelia are coming over in the morning to work out shop stuff, what the hell will we tell them?” Dan scoffs.

“The truth.”

“Like they’d believe that.” Dan decides to leave the kitchen and Phil follows by no choice of his own.

“They will, because my family and I have a trusting relationship.” 

“Well aren’t you lucky.” Dan opens the door to his room and Phil stops in his tracks, keeping Dan from moving. 

“What?” Dan turns around, “I just need my phone charger.”

“Okay, you could have told me. Communication is important.” Phil releases his stance, following Dan into his room.

“Yeah, it is. Sorry.” Dan says after a moment of silence, his voice softer. 

“Especially when we’re permanently beside each other.” Phil tries to joke, but it falls a little flat. Dan isn’t sure if Phil is just talking about the handcuff predicament anymore.

“It’s hard in stressful situations.” Dan plugs his phone in and closes all his apps, not looking up at Phil.

“And during stressful times.” Phil agrees, sitting down on Dan’s bed. 

Dan sits down beside him and lies back, their hands beside Phil’s leg. “I’m sorry I’ve been kind of shit lately.”

“We both have, we’ve been under a lot of stress.” Phil says softly as he lies back beside Dan.

They don’t really have to say these things out loud, but it feels good to be able to talk to each other and agree for once. The past few months, years it seems, had taken a toll on their friendship and left them both a bit on the edge. 

“We’ve created something amazing though, haven’t we?” Dan turns his head to the side to face Phil. He’s inches away from his best friend and for the first time in a long time he realizes how blue Phil’s eyes are. 

“Yeah.” Phil whispers, blinking. 

“I’d do it all again if I had the choice, but I’m glad it’s almost over for a while. I want to feel like myself again.” Dan closes his eyes, overwhelmed by the world.

“I don’t even remember who I was before this.” Phil continues staring at Dan, noting how much older Dan looks than when they first met. 

“I was somebody. Maybe danisnotonfire.” Dan laughs, flickering his eyes open to find Phil intently staring. 

“I’m sorry I locked us together. I was just frustrated that the organizing was taking so long.” Phil glances down at their locked wrists and sighs. 

“It’s okay, it’s a pretty funny thing, actually. At least it’s us, and not two people who hate each other.” Dan gives Phil a lopsided smile. 

“I could never hate you.” Phil says sincerely, the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.

“You’ll hate me when I tell you I need to shower tonight, because I won’t have time tomorrow to shower /and/ straighten my hair.” Dan raises his eyebrows.

“I needed to shower!” 

“Fine. You stand outside while I shower and I’ll stand outside while you shower.” Dan shrugs. 

Undressing is a feat on its own. Dan’s wearing his HOWL tank top thankfully, which he manages to shimmy down his body, but Phil is wearing a t-shirt. 

“Phil, how much do you like your penguin t-shirt?” Dan asks.

“I’m not that fond…” Phil says, running his hands over the bright blue fabric. He had stopped wearing it in public a long time ago, so maybe it was-

Dan nods, as if reading Phil’s mind. “It’s time.” 

Phil frowns but nods. “I’ll sacrifice it.” 

Dan gets the scissors off his desk and very carefully, like a skilled neurosurgeon, cuts up the side and over the armhole. He tries to ignores the way Phil’s breath catches every time Dan accidentally touches Phil’s torso, but it’s difficult. He curses his overactive imagination when he wonders what those noises would turn to if he were to do more than just the gentle brush of fingertips. 

Donned with towels and clean pyjama bottoms, Dan and Phil find themselves in front of the shower with towels around their waists five minutes later.

“Okay, I’ll go first.” Dan makes Phil turn around as he hangs up his towel and steps into the shower, leaving Phil with an outstretched hand and nothing to do but stand there. 

The shower is a bit awkward but not unmanageable as Dan shampoos and moisturizes. He’s about halfway done when Phil tugs. 

“What?” Dan pokes half his soapy body out of the shower curtain. 

“I have to wee, the water is making it worse.” Phil dances a bit. 

“Give me five minutes, geez.” Dan rolls his eyes and ducks back into the shower. 

“Dan!” Phil whines.

“You’re seriously going to make me stand freezing cold and ass naked so you can piss?” Dan moans. 

“Yes!” Phil squeaks, “Unless you want me to wee on the floor.” 

“Fine, Jesus Christ.” Dan rinses as much soap as possible off himself before Phil is basically dragging him out of the tub. He grabs his towel and pouts, cold, as Phil goes in the tiny toilet room, the door closed all but on the metal chain. 

“I can’t.” Phil says after a few seconds. 

“What do you mean, you can’t?” Dan raises his eyebrows, despite the fact that Phil can’t see him. 

“I can’t go, not with you listening.” Phil says so softly Dan almost doesn’t catch it. 

“Oh my god.” 

Dan pulls away from the door to grab his phone off the sink and accidentally takes Phil, naked without his towel, with him. Phil yelps, but Dan isn’t even paying attention to him. He jabs at Spotify and types “Muse” before clicking on “Psycho” and turning up the volume all the way. He turns back to Phil and points at the toilet door. 

“Go!” He yells above the music. 

Phil is able to at last, and Dan is laughing as he dries off on the other side of the door.

Dan feels for Phil a bit as he waits for Phil to shower, because standing in a towel outside of a warm shower for ten minutes is boring as hell. And come to think of it, he could use the toilet as well. 

They’re still jamming out to Muse together and it feels like old times again, when they bonded over music and never left each others’ sides.

When the fifth song on the album ends, Phil shuts off the water and reaches out blindly with his untethered hand for his towel. Dan rolls his eyes and shoves it at him. 

“Thanks, shower elf!” Phil laughs, his voice muffled as he towels off his hair. “Now where are the other two?”

“Only one towel this time.” Dan chastises playfully. 

“Fine, my cold shoulders will hate you forever.” Phil wraps the towel around his waist and climbs out, only to stop and stare at Dan for a minute. 

Dan’s got his towel hanging off his useless hips and it’s a hazard to Phil’s wellbeing how close the towel is to slipping off. Phil’s eyes travel up and down Dan’s body for a solid three seconds before his skin turns crimson and he coughs, blinking rapidly. Dan looks up from his phone and cocks his head.

“Are you dying?” 

“Yes.” Phil says before dragging them both from the bathroom, Dan an apathetic victim to the tugging. 

Changing back is a bit more difficult and they figure out that you can’t put clothes on when your arm is attached to another person. They settle for only pajama bottoms and bare chests.

“You know,” Dan says as he fixes his hair in the bathroom mirror as Phil takes his contacts out, “This must be how they imagine we are. Always side by side, shadows of each other.”

“Not too far off.” Phil hums, balancing his contacts on the sink. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Well, let’s see. We work together in three different contexts, we live together, and we go on holiday together. I can’t tell you a single day in the past five years that I haven’t at least spoken to you.” Phil goes on, sliding his glasses on before looking over at Dan with a ‘do I need to continue’ face.

“Damn.” Dan laughs softly, “We probably win the ultimate best friend award.”

“Yeah, I almost feel like we’re past that though.” Phil really thinks he should stop talking, but the words keep falling off his lips and he can’t keep them shut.

“Past what?” Dan asks. 

“Past just being ‘best friends’, you know?” 

They’re walking back up the stairs now and they’re well coordinated after a couple of hours conjoined. 

“What else would we be?” Dan asks somewhat breathily, confused. 

“Like, life mates. I dunno, there’s not really a word for it. Which bedroom do you want to sleep in?” Phil pauses before their bedrooms.

“Hang on, I think this is a hall conversation.” Dan frowns.

This hall has seen a lot. It’s where Dan goes when he freaks out, or when Phil really needs to figure something out. It’s where they finalized the book decision and where they got drunk and ended up making out a year after they moved in.

It’s where they spoke about it a few days later. This hallway is the haven where whatever happens in the hall stays in the hall. And this particular conversation seemed very much like one to have in the hall.

“Okay.” Phil pauses, before leaning against the wall and sinking to his bum. 

Dan follows suit to the left of Phil, half by choice and half by force. 

“You seem like you’ve thought about this a bit.” Dan picks at the carpet.

“Yeah, mostly about what life holds for me in the future. If I can even imagine having a girlfriend or a wife, if after being so close with you I can let anybody else in like this.” Phil furrows his eyebrows, “Not that I’m-“

“No, I get it.” Dan presses his lips together, “I never thought about that.”

“Never?” Phil gapes, “Maybe it’s the fact that I’ll be thirty soon but it seems like it’s all I can think about lately.”

“I don’t really want to have a wife, or a husband, or anything. I’m very content.” Dan shrugs.

“I’m very content, with you. Because of you.” Phil’s voice goes quiet. “Like I don’t want to say I’m content single, but I’m content existing with you.”

“When I think of a life plan I just think of this, continuing.” Dan says, putting the shackled hand on Phil’s knee. “I don’t see this as a stepping stone before I marry and white-picket-fence-it with Jennifer Lawrence.” 

Phil laughs and grins, “You don’t know how relieving that is.” 

“Were you afraid of losing me?” Dan asks, his voice riddled with disbelief.

“Always.” Phil answers firmly. 

Dan can’t respond, he feels so suddenly overwhelmed by the situation and the feeling in his chest. “Oh.” Is all he can manage.

“Without you nothing in my life would be as good as it is.” Phil is a very sincere person and when he talks like this to Dan, Dan can barely breathe. It’s like the Pope telling you that you’re important- you know to the bone that he’s being honest and so you have no choice but to believe it.

“I think we’ve definitely become some sort of life partners.” Dan still has his hand on Phil’s knee and he squeezes softly.

The silence that follows is comfortable and quiet. Dan realizes that it’s one am.

“Hey, let’s go to bed.” Dan smiles over at Phil, only to see tears streaming down Phil’s face. His smile drops.

“Okay.” Phil sounds sort of wrecked.

Dan doesn’t know what possesses him but they’re in The Hallway and they kind of kind of just admitted that they wanted to spend forever together, so he lunges forward and presses his lips against Phil’s. 

They kiss closed-mouthed for a minute, Dan awkwardly on his knees leaning over Phil with their handcuffed hands pressed into the carpet. Dan can feel Phil’s tears on his face, but when he pulls away Phil is smiling. 

“What was that for?” Phil laughs nervously.

“I don’t like seeing you cry,” Dan’s expression is soft, “what we have right now is great, it’s wonderful. In fact, it’s the best damn thing in the world.”

Phil just smiles back at him and checks his phone for the time. “We should go to bed.”

“Mine or yours?” Dan hums. 

“Mine, your room is too hot.” Phil stands, helping Dan to his feet. 

They collapse in Phil’s bed and turn on the TV. 

“What should we watch before bed?” Phil pulls the covers up over their chests. “We’re having a sleepover, we might as well have fun.”

“Something boring, like an animal documentary.” Dan plugs his phone in and burrows back under the duvet. 

“Hey, they’re not boring.” Phil pouts, tugging at the cuffs. 

They do end up watching a documentary, but one Dan finds on Netflix about Food Trade, which is actually boring. It doesn’t help that they can’t keep their eyes off each other.

“Hey Dan,” Phil asks during an extremely dull bit that’s just cameras panning over a corn field, “Was that kiss a one-time thing?”

Dan smirks and looks over, “What do you think?”

Phil blinks blankly behind smudged glasses.

“You dork.” Dan rolls his eyes and leans over to softly kiss the confusion off Phil’s face.

Sleeping with someone else is not an easy task and by the time the morning sun drenches Phil’s bedroom they’re ready to kill each other, or themselves. 

“Good morning.” Dan groans, exhausted but happy to have an excuse to leave the bed. 

“It’s certainty morning.” Phil scowls as they stand together, stepping over to the mirror to do identical fringe-fixes. 

They don’t know how to put on shirts to go to the locksmith, so they spend an extra hundred pounds to get a house call. The man who shows up is scruffy and chubby and looks at them with wide eyes and slight discomfort when they present their fluffy pink predicament.

Because apparently two shirtless men attached by handcuffs is about as telling as it gets. Thankfully, it takes about five minutes for the man to use a tool to free them, and the first thing Dan does is pop every knuckle on his left hand.

When Martyn and Cornelia arrive, they’re none the wiser, and Dan and Phil are determined to keep it that way. 

The handcuffs were very much a Hallway Incident and Dan is thankful for the talk with Phil they sparked. He would thank them for the developments in his and Phil’s perception of the life they live, but that was all his and Phil’s doing.

Maybe they would never put a label on it. They hadn’t in 2009, or any of the following years of confusion and stress, so why did they have to put a label on it now? They are happy with this life and each other, and honestly, nothing else matters.

Nothing else matters.


End file.
